The Confidential

My parked car was smashed terribly bad and it put me in a good mood. Who would’ve thunk that the thing to shake me out of my funk was having my car wrecked?

I have three kids. And when things get really tough, when I’ve answered 2,314 “mom?’s,” and have been asked 5 questions in 6 seconds, I choose which one I would get rid of. The answer is always the same…the youngest.

While my husband was getting a haircut, I left my sleeping toddler in the car and stood in the doorway of the salon to give him a message. The hairdresser and my husband called me in. I refused because my daughter was sleeping in the car. But they insisted, and I went in, but then asked my hairdresser what he thought I should do for my next hair cut. About a minute later, I went back to the car, and my kid was in the parking lot. She had climbed out, and was hysterically crying. The parking lot attendant held her hand. I couldn’t feel worse. My vanity could have killed my daughter. Not to mention psychological harm.

The Blog
CROSSING LINES

I never imagined the gifts that were to be mine when Dylan came to my gate wearing a dress.

A movie actor and the father of a friend of my ten year-old son Lucas, Dylan stood out, shimmering amidst the swell of cheap polyester adorned trick or treaters. A strappy aqua silk sheath clung lusciously to his narrow waist, accentuating his surprisingly tight physique. Tufts of chest hair peeked out above his boobies; they’d been stuffed with toilet paper to perfection. Not too big to be garish or too little to be ignored.

IMPAIRED JUDGEMENT

For his help with a school fundraiser, I rewarded Lucas by taking him and a buddy to Jackass 3-D. Far more visceral than the 2-D versions, the experience was like being engulfed in poop, penises and perversion. There is no word to describe the sensa...

GET A WIFE

When my husband Ted and I were saying goodbye to Kirston, a close friend of almost two decades and that night’s party host, she went on and on about how great Ted looks, how he seems younger and younger with each passing year. Looking at him with ...